2 posts tagged “thoughts”

so tuesday's adventure out, actually turned into two adventures out.  but more on that later.

so as i mentioned, vinny t's had been called ahead of time and knew i would need a gluten-free meal.  i had basically settled on the ceasar salad with grilled chicken, no croutons obviously.  i handed over my dining card when i arrived (after all my co-workers passed it around read it, asked questions, or explain, "hey, my niece has that!" or "oh, i have a friend who has that."  all in all, very positive), placed my order, and the waitress was very careful and clearly understood what was going on.

when the food arrived -- naked romaine with the chicken on top with a wedge of lemon, cheese on the side (and i did ask for the dressing as well, though the chef wasn't convinced i could have dressing, even though i had checked on the dressing ingredients and it was okay.

but, despite all the precautions, i took a bite of chicken and instantly realized it had been marinated.  in soy.  ::sigh::  so i took another tiny bite (i was so hungry!) and pushed it to the side.  one of my co-workers suddenly asked, "k, why is your face all bright red and splotchy?"

welcome to the phenomenon i have always experienced when eating, something i was acutely embarrassed of as a kid, and the reason i would refuse to eat in front of other people for years and year (hello eating disorders!).  i always thought it was a reaction to sugar.  i guess not.

and then within 10 minutes, my new low-level i can function fine headache blew into a level 8 kill-me migraine.  within an hour, my stomach joined the fray, holding protest marches that echoed through my entire digestive system.

this is all the proof i need i'm doing the right thing.

of course, i ended up actually going out to dinner that night as well.  (migraine put in chains with amerge and tummy started to settle down.)  luckily, we ended up at chili's so i had my handy gluten-free menu from chili's, and an extra dining card.  our server was an older woman, sharp, on the ball, and totally fascinated by the dining card and menu.  she talked to the cook who knew immediately what was going on and even had a special spot on the grill to cook my bun-less mushroom and swiss burger.  absolutely no problems with that meal.

the only lingering effects seemed to have was the return of what had been my "normal" insomnia, which i picked up on early enough to knock myself out with an ambien.  felt a bit like crap waking up on wednesday morning, with congested sinuses and uber-achy joints.  but after another couple days of being "back on the wagon", i'm feeling good again.  i really noticed this morning as i was showering how i am more alert and awake int he morning, and a lot of the pain and stiffness i have always had is not there.

i have a lot of thoughts on this whole "Answer" i have discovered, and what it means to me.  in a lot of the celiac communities, i've noticed so much anger and resentment, and hatred and depression at diagnosis, and i just don't get it.  yeah, i can't have a piece of pizza or a piece of bread.  but my entire life and what it was to be human has been changed.  how can i be angry?  i want to shout from the rooftops the joy i have, the utter excitement and relief that the mysteries, all of them that i have insisted for years have been connected, are solved.  the loss of pizza is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  so get to be a pain in the butt if i go out to eat.  big whoo. 

friends support this, my family is overjoyed, constantly commenting on how good i look.  my dad actually got choked up last week talking to me, saying he couldn't believe he was looking at me, and not seeing that look of pain, in my face, that haze over my eyes, that he had always seen.  that alone makes me cry.  i always tried to hide things, tried to hold in my frustration and pain and tiredness.  i never knew how clearly things had been written on my face. 

this diagnosis has been the best thing to ever happen to me.

i'm not setting a time-line for myself for going gluten-free.  heck, i haven't even heard from the doctor yet if the test says anything and if further tests (i.e. biopsy) would be needed, so going cold turkey doesn't make much sense.

but, whatever the test results, i've decided i need to do this.  i have too many mysterious symptoms that might tie to this, so trying can't hurt.  it will just suck a lot.

so baby-steps it is.  besides, my budget can't afford a completely pantry empty and restock.

as of today, i'm going to start the elimination of bread and pasta.  I have a ton of pasta in the cupboard that will have to make a trip to the food pantry.  (but my annie chun's udon noodle bowls will be consumed by me. . . )  i also have a huge amount of bulk bread flour, but i can give that to Robin since she and Jeff use their bread machine all the time.

all shopping from now on will be for gluten-free products.  i've already scooped out amazon.com's gluten-free grocery section, and it looks great.  annie rice-noodle and cheese mix!  since everything there is in bulk, i'll have to do test runs of things as i pick them up from whole foods.  then i can decide if i want them in huge amounts.

and i need to talk to my friendly whole food peeps.  i noticed last week their fresh bread section was lacking in any gluten-free staples.  for shame!  bad enough i have to give up my cuban pork burritos (wheat tortilla) and honey jalapeno pulled pork quesadillas.  ::sob::  they have to give me something i can make a b.l.t. with.

and i just noticed the abundance of pig meat in that last ramble.  i think i know where my food on the hoof preference lies.